Bettina at the heart of her community.

Taking a seat in our favourite café, Bettina and I wait for our cake. Our server comes up to Bettina and says, “when I see your smile it makes me feel so happy.”   Recently on social media a ‘follower’ on X (twitter) commented:  “Was Bettina in town yesterday? I am sure she walked past me on St John’s Street.”  Even though I had not met this person before, he recognised Bettina. It is not unusual for people I do not know to cross the road to say hello to Bettina.

Having nine years of experience of supporting *Bettina our daughter in her community prior my first role in the Social Care Sector, in what would be the start of a second career, I had decided I wanted to support adults with a learning disability. My first role involved forming a team which would support people who had previously been excluded from their community. I had a wealth of ideas I had learned from Bettina on how to do this and I was keen to see if they worked in equal measure.

* Bettina is a woman who copes with a learning disability and autism.

What Community Engagement has meant for Bettina – Her 5 x ‘C’s?

  • Communication. Bettina was non-verbal until the age of ten. Bettina struggled to communicate her needs and anxieties and how she was feeling about life. Both Joyce (B’s tiger mum) and I honestly believe that Bettina’s progress in her communication skills have been accelerated by her exposure to her community.  

Related:  Being Bettina’s Dad and being married to Bettina’s Whisperer – Leadership in the Raw

  • Connection.  For Bettina this has been about building relationships with others in her community and the people with whom she spends part of her week. This could be at the local garden centre where she works (supported employment), or the life skills farm she loves. Bettina has an interest in animal husbandry and gardening, and she shares her passion and skills with those around her. Bettina’s Personal Assistant’s role is to help her maintain her connections with people within her local community.
  • Contribution. Bettina has always been a role model for what is possible at each stage of her life, starting with her schooldays and right up to the present day.
  • Choice. Initially we chose the activities and places we thought Bettina would enjoy in her early years and, based on our observations of how Bettina reacted to different situations and environments, we accumulated a series of options over a period of time. As a family we are overjoyed that Bettina now makes those choices for herself. 
  • Confidence. Confidence and being confident means something different to everyone. For Bettina it means understanding and knowing her abilities, trusting without question those around her to keep her safe and secure. Bettina has accumulated a huge amount of life experiences over the last 36 years.  It is these challenging experiences she can recall when her confidence dips. You did it then – you can do it now!

Bettina’s Personal Assistant told us that she had never met a person who copes with a learning disability who was so positive and confident. 

Related:  Being Bettina’s Dad: Bettina’s lessons in confidence – Leadership in the Raw

Five benefits Bettina has had from being engaged with her community.

1.        Self-Esteem.  Bettina feels equal to everyone. She has been able to express her needs and has a positive outlook on life. 

2.        Valued. I am always pleased when Bettina and I have an opportunity to visit a town close to where we live and which we have regularly visited for over 30 years. It is a place where she is a valued customer in her own right and she is missed if we have not been there for a while. I sense the relief from the shop assistants when we walk into a shop, especially when they have not seen her for a while, and I am always moved by the greetings she receives.

3.        Fulfilled. Bettina always has something to look forward to. Every day is different and so are the weekends. Her fulfilment is evidenced by her happiness and satisfaction. We believe this is because Bettina is reaching her potential. 

4.        Independence – Being in Control. Bettina values opportunities to make her own choices at her own pace and timing, especially within her community. One of those choices is who she chooses to engage with and deciding the level of close support she needs to achieve her goals, i.e., making her own judgement about the tools she needs to use when gardening instead of having them chosen for her.  

5.        Safe and Secure. Because Bettina has been part of her community and has actively engaged with her environment from an early age, as a family we have been able to take reasonable managed risks. This has given Bettina confidence to try new experiences (safely).  

What you can do to support someone to engage with their community. This is about sharing your:

Community knowledge. It is likely that the people you support will not know their community as well as you do.

Networks.  This is an opportunity to introduce people to the person you support who are not paid support workers, so their personal network (Circle of Support) becomes enriched with people who want to be part of their life.

Interests. Think about the interests, sports, and hobbies you enjoy.  It is possible the person you support has not had the opportunity to experience those things or attend those events.

Trust   Bettina will always need to have someone by her side, so how did our relationship evolve over the years so that new experiences no longer fazed her? It had everything to do with ‘Trust.’  These are Bettina’s Five lessons in Trust:

  1. Reliability. Someone whom you can believe in and rely on (so turn up every day with your A Game). You need to be dependable as a person in everything you do.
  2. Honesty.  This builds confidence in the decisions you make to support someone.
  3. Responsibility.  Take your obligations seriously – in Bettina’s case she is incredibly vulnerable so we can never let her down.
  4. Consistency. As Joyce, my wife tells me – stick with the plan! If you say you are going somewhere, and you have communicated each stage of the plan always stick to it.
  5. Belief.  Demonstrate that you believe in the persons hopes, dreams and expectations.

Routines & Rituals and being Recognised.

Bettina is reassured and builds her confidence with routines and rituals and is therefore often recognised within her community. We have several places we visit as a family (each one having its own special name allocated by Bettina).

One of those rituals and routines is our annual holiday to Whitby, always during the same week in August. During our last holiday, one of the assistants from a shop we popped into on our arrival, spoke to Bettina “hello I remember you, how have you been.”  I was flabbergasted! Out of all the thousands of visitors that must have visited their shop and she remembered Bettina!  

Taking community engagement to the next level when Bettina featured in an ITV news bulletin in Whitby with her dad during Covid.

Steve Raw

www.leadershipintheraw.org