Bettina at the wedding reception in Oldham. Picture courtesy of Joyce Raw

Driving home from a family wedding in Oldham at the weekend, I reflected on how Bettina had, once again, enchanted everyone she met.  I am reminded, once more, how much she inspires her family.

Bettina’s wider family have followed her progress since she came into our world over 35 years ago.  A person who was at odds with her world, caused by her severe autism and learning disability. With all her might, and the love and belief of her family, she fought her demons and won.  With each visit to see the family they comment on her progress and delight in her achievements.

This Sunday afternoon my thoughts turn towards the week ahead, which includes a presentation and preparation for a Board Meeting.  I hope to influence those I meet and communicate with, about how our company www.dosh.org feels about supporting people with a learning disability to be more independent and have more control over their money.

I want to inspire and capture their imagination, but ultimately enchant them.

Thinking about Bettina’s charm helps me to prepare:

How Bettina enchants people:

• Her calmness casts a magic spell that soothes away your stress and anxiety.

• Bettina knows how to look and feel every moment of her life with an innocence and vulnerability.

• Every decision Bettina makes says something about her.

Related:  https://leadershipintheraw.org/2018/03/29/being-bettinas-dad-be-your-authentic-self/  

• Bettina enchants others by choosing her words very carefully, which can be difficult as Bettina finds retrieval of vocabulary a slow process.  Each word she speaks is in accordance with your own way of communicating.

• By being enigmatic – Bettina attracts attention without really trying.  People, including her family, find themselves watching her without realising it wondering what she is going to do next.

“She was put here on earth to make sense of its wild enchantments.” 

Boris Pasternak

Bettina’s six lessons of enchantment

1. Putting others first

    2. Concentrating on being true to yourself and your passion

    3. Offering a better solution to a difficulty without the expectation of something in return

    4. Loving what you do and how you live is infectious.

    5. Focus on the person you are interacting with

    6. Communicate genuinely and not just for the sake of hearing your own voice

    A quote that could have been written for Bettina:

    “Only those who truly love and who are truly strong can sustain their lives as a dream. You dwell in your own enchantment. Life throws stones at you, but your love and your dream change those stones into the flowers of discovery. Even if you lose, or are defeated by things, your triumph will always be exemplary. And if no one knows it, then there are places that do. People like you enrich the dreams of the worlds, and it is dreams that create history. People like you are unknowing transformers of things, protected by your own fairy-tale, by love.” Ben Okri

    As I finish this blog post I hear a knock at the door.  It is Bettina (and her Personal Assistant) returning home and once again they have managed to fit a huge amount into their day together.

    “Hi Bettina” = “Hello Dad, Steve boy” (sometimes just Dad, sometimes Steve and sometimes my full title, but at 67, to be still called ‘boy’, that’s enchantment for me).

    Having spent the whole weekend with Bettina it is always a bit of an anti-climax when she leaves to start her busy day, but she is now back once again to enchant her family.

    So, who are you going to enchant today?

    “To the one who knows how to look and feel, every moment of this free wandering life is an enchantment.”

    Alexandra David-Neel

    Bettina and her dad moments after the wedding.  Picture courtesy of Joyce Raw

    This is an updated version on an article I wrote on October 18, 2018, after a trip to Great Manchester to see family.