A family beyond expectations. With Joyce in the first weeks of marriage and with my daughters on holiday.

I saw this question on Twitter/X recently: “If you wrote your biography what title would you give it?”  Mine would be ‘Turned out better than I expected.’

After an exciting 24-year military career and an even more successful career in Social Care supporting adults with a learning disability, I have now retired. Retirement brings both reflection and analysis of a life.

I grew up on a council house estate in the North East of England. I was fortunate to have a good upbringing from a stable family.  However, unemployment was high; the town’s steel industry was collapsing in the early 1970s. My older brother had joined the army as a 15-year-old and from that moment (I was eight) it was all I wanted to do. Because of my brother’s stories my expectations of life revolved around: travel, adventure, sport, and fun.

Walking to the NAAFI in Dettingen Barracks, during my basic training in 1972 as a young 16-year-old, I wondered how my life would take shape once I had completed my 18 months training as a ‘Junior Leader’. I had met my first goal of being accepted by the Army (no easy task). I thought of myself as only an average soldier with a limited education and talents. Where I did my back myself was my ability to work hard, capitalise on what skills I did have and the determination to succeed in whatever position I was given.

I had a vague idea when I started out, of what I wanted my expectations to be; they would however be set within the following (self-imposed) rules:

  • They would be realistic – I was never going to become a Field Marshall but becoming a Senior NCO and a Warrant Officer within the Army was within my reach.
  • They would be comparative with my ability and competency at each stage of my life. I knew I would develop and grow. Thanks to the Army, education ‘clicked’ for me (when it did not at school} during my early twenties and therefore expanded my horizons.
  • It would be time bound. I did not want my life to drift, so to fit in with my two- or three-year postings I would have new expectations of life based on my circumstances and the environment I was operating within at the time. Occasionally I would reset those expectations too.  I set the same time bands for my second career.
  • Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Accepting that there will be obstacles in my life so that I am not surprised when I come up against them. Related:   https://leadershipintheraw.org/2023/07/18/being-bettinas-dad-getting-comfortable-with-being-uncomfortable/
  • No Regrets (well as few as possible).

How to lead a life that exceeds expectations? My five personal tips:

  1. Comparison is the thief of joy. Knowing that people within your orbit will be more successful than you, so be pleased for them. To use a running analogy ‘focus on your own race not your competitor’s.’ 
  2. Consider what a good life looks like: I wanted to travel, to be married, have a family (that are safe and secure), and to always exceed my potential.
  3. Doing what is important and letting the rest go. “Stop worrying about your identity and concern yourself with the people you care about, ideas that matter to you, beliefs you can stand by tickets you can run on” Zadie Smith Related:  https://leadershipintheraw.org/2019/02/07/do-what-is-important-and-let-the-rest-go/
  4. Creating Opportunities – Creating your own luck is always going to be about preparation meeting opportunity. Related:https://leadershipintheraw.org/2023/02/02/the-6th-leadership-lesson-i-learned-creating-opportunities/
  5. Taking the time to be grateful. Gratitude gives you the ability to overcome worry, confusion, frustration, resentment, and dark moments in your life. Related: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2015/09/09/being-bettinas-dad-taking-the-time-to-be-grateful-and-showing-gratitude/

So how did my life exceed my expectations?

  • 40 years into a wonderful marriage to Joyce and a father to two beautiful women who are both kind and generous.
  • I made it to Warrant Officer in the Army
  • I became a Managing Director for www.dosh.org making a difference in peoples’ lives and for 15 years, I got to work with the most amazing colleagues Related: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2022/04/14/the-3rd-leadership-lesson-i-learned-surround-yourself-with-talent/ I certainly surrounded myself with talent.
  • Becoming a half decent athlete wining national and county medals.
  • Settled in a city that we have enjoyed living in for over 35 years.
  • I got to return to the Army in my last year before retirement – life came full circle.

Now I am retired there are new expectations! Source:  Steve Raw www.leadershipintheraw.org