Being Bettina’s Dad – A case for ‘Curiosity.’

Surely this cannot be that difficult to drive.

Bettina is looking at the array of medication on the sideboard in our dining room; from a distance her parents can see she is picking up one box after another trying to read the labels. I recently had an eye operation and Bettina has noticed me going into the room with my wife, Joyce, to administer the prescribed eye drops. Bettina’s curiosity once more kicks in.

If you have previously followed the “Being Bettina’s Dad” series, you will know that Bettina has a diagnosis of autism, a learning disability, and copes with epilepsy. We are convinced that Bettina’s curiosity has played a significant part in her progress and development.

But it is not just Bettina who benefits from her curiosity, the lessons I have learned from Bettina helped me in both my work and my personal life.

How Curiosity has worked for Bettina (aka ‘B’):

Life was bewildering for Bettina in her early years but so many people around her could see B’s potential and believed in her, not just her family. As Bettina came to terms with her autism (we could see it was quite painful for her) we saw how she started to work things out for herself.

‘B’ reached a state of being curious and wondering about her complicated world through:

Observing. Bettina takes an active interest in what is going around her. Bettina is constantly looking for clues and explanations of how and why things happen and how they may have an impact on her.
She is eager to learn. What has been wonderful for her parents is that Bettina has not settled on what is comfortable for her. We see this with her hunger to learn new things. An example is with her reading; it would have been comfortable for Bettina to have settled after finishing ‘education.’ Bettina has demonstrated her curiosity to learn more with the books she buys.
Engaged. Bettina is a busy person and when she is on task, she is totally committed.
Poking around. Bettina is usually the first to excuse herself from our dining room after our evening meal. Much to our amusement, we can hear her poking around in the kitchen. We hear doors opening and closing, sometimes the odd “ah ha.” It is not only our kitchen Bettina explores, but we also often hear her footsteps when we are downstairs, and Bettina is upstairs in our bedroom and her big sister’s bedroom.
Open minded. One of Bettina’s qualities, is that she is not influencedby any kind of bias or prejudice. This enables her to explore her curiosity with a freedom of thought.

Bettina lives in the moment, seeing the world with new eyes, here are five lessons I have learned from Bettina’s curiosity:

By being persistent and persevering. Bettina never gives up and she will often return to a thing she is curious about.
‘Let your curiosity be greater than your fear’ Pema Chodron. ‘Because for Bettina what is courage without fear’ related: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2018/12/10/being-bettinas-dad-what-is-courage-without-fear/
Finding lots of things to be curious about – this brings about innovation. Bettina is incredibly creative.
People curiosity. Why do people do what they do? What can we learn from them?
To see without judgement. To observe without trying to fix or control. This is what Bettina does.

Providing an environment of curiosity, both at home and work:

Having a shared curiosity – you are all curious (and challenge each other) and this is ok.
Providing space and time to explore – allowing people to be innovative and creative.
To question – not expecting people to obediently follow your instructions or what they perceive as your wishes.
Opportunities to experiment – through having a ‘no blame culture.’Related: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2025/10/23/no-blame-cultures/
Encouraging people to stay curious when others get defensive. Ask yourself, “what am I missing?” instead of proving your point.

Leaders and therefore their teams often fail because they have not been ‘curious.’

And finally…

At the weekend Bettina and I went to the beach in Frinton on Sea (Essex, England). Bettina loves collecting seashells for our garden but unfortunately on this occasion the tide was in. This was not going to defeat her! Walking along the promenade Bettina suddenly runs to the back of a row of Beach Huts, I hurry off after her, Bettina needs to satisfy her curiosity, will she find seashells there? She has not looked behind the huts before, but she thinks it is worth a try – and is successful with her find.