Bettina waits patiently for me to enter our sitting room to greet her. Today she is in her work uniform, and she has already pinned her name badge to her T-shirt.

Me: “Good Morning Bettina”

Bettina: “Good morning, Dad” Bettina holds up her name badge and says “Bettina -Volunteer” then pauses waiting for my response

Me: “Daddy Very Very Proud of You” Bettina smiles and gives me a thumbs up.

This is an exchange we have before Bettina sets out to go to her voluntary work at the farm.

Bettina is an amazing woman who brings joy to everyone she meets. Spend a few moments with her and you will never forget the experience. Yes, she really is that awesome. To use a much-used cliché she has ’been on a journey’ from childhood: unravelling carpets, stripping wallpaper from my parents’ bedroom (after they had just wall papered!) to not being able to use verbal communication until she was 11 years old.

If you have not previously followed my ‘Being Bettina’s Dad’, series, Bettina is a woman who copes with a learning disability, autism, epilepsy, and a complex communication disorder. Most importantly though she is a courageous and inspirational person that her family are immensely proud of.

Proud means:

For me it is a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction because you or people connected with you have done or got something good. It is about having respect for yourself, or in this case Bettina, and showing those feelings of pride.

Bettina’s challenges

Some of the challenges Bettina battles with every day include:

  • People who cope with autism often have difficulty ‘reading’ other people – recognising or understanding others’ feelings and intentions – and expressing their own emotions. This can make it extremely hard to navigate their social world.
  • Bettina’s autism involves coping with sounds that ‘hurt’ and ‘frighten’ her e.g. Bettina can become quite distressed if I cough. (I become distressed when Joyce and Jennifer look at me with daggers because I have upset Bettina because of my coughing).
  • Being understood especially in her early years because she was ‘non-verbal’ I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for her to make herself understood. Bettina’s verbal communication and understanding are progressing.
  • Understanding what people are saying to her. Bettina has always relied on the rhythms and sounds of people’s speech without necessarily understanding the words said. Her family need to be care with their tone of voice especially when we are discussing something serious.
  • Having to depend on her family anticipating her needs and worries. Fortunately, her ‘tiger mum’ is a ‘Bettina Whisperer’: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2016/04/21/being-bettinas-dad-and-being-married-to-bettinas-whisperer/   
  • Her vulnerability, Bettina needs someone to be with her when she leaves home.

What makes us proud of Bettina in ten ways.

  1. Never gives up by being tenacious. Bettina is incredibly determined and will work hard and long to meet her objective – completing a difficult jigsaw comes to mind. (if there is a missing piece then she calls on her family to come to her rescue as was the case recently)
  2. Courageous Bettina teaches her family and friends so much about life and what is courage without fear. Bettina does not allow herself to stay in a fearful state, she immediately plunges straight back into action (it is that kind of courage that her family admire in Bettina so much) Related: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2018/12/10/being-bettinas-dad-what-is-courage-without-fear/
  3. Takes Responsibility. Bettina is integral to the workings of our household. Bettina actively seeks responsibility taking on tasks we have not asked her to do. Bettina sees something that needs doing and does it.
  4. Progress. Bettina does not stand still. It is incredibly exciting for her family to see how Bettina has progressed over the years. If someone had told Joyce and I what Bettina would achieve and be in adulthood it would have been beyond our expectations. With the love, support of her family and Bettina’s strong will we continue to be excited by what she will achieve.
  5. Strong work Ethic. Her strong work ethic is something that is often commented on by those who work with her and something we observe every day. Bettina takes pride in her work and getting the job done.
  6. Community Respect and Involvement Taking a seat in our favourite café in Frinton on Sea, Bettina and I wait for our cake. Our server comes up to Bettina and says, “when I see your smile it makes me feel so happy.”  During our last Whitby holiday, one of the assistants from a shop we popped into on our arrival, spoke to Bettina “hello I remember you, how have you been.”  I was flabbergasted! Out of all the thousands of visitors that must have visited their shop and she remembered Bettina! Related: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2023/11/16/being-bettinas-dad-community-engagement-what-it-has-meant-for-bettina/
  7. Sense of Humour. There is a healthy competition to make each other laugh in our house and it is a delight to see Bettina joining in and often is the instigator.
  8. Caring and Kind nature Bettina’s qualities of being gentle, caring, and helpful, light up the worlds of people who encounter her, and her acts of kindness are long lasting in their memories. Related: https://leadershipintheraw.org/2021/12/24/being-bettinas-dad-bettinas-kind-heart/
  9. Assertiveness. Bettina has confidence and self-assurance without being aggressive in her interactions and how she secures from us what she needs and more & more showing her feelings. I have just come back from our Sunday afternoon walk with Bettina. I wanted to go a different route to avoid a dangerous dog whose owner finds it difficult to control. Bettina was ok about a small detour but soon directed me back to the direction of travel she wanted to take on our journey home. she was quite firm about it too!
  10. A Kind Heart. Bettina sits quietly in class alongside other pupils. There is a boy sitting next to her who is becoming increasingly distressed. Without turning Bettina reaches out to him and strokes his hand, despite verbal language being a challenge for Bettina, she soothingly says, “it’s ok” “it is ok” as her school mate calms, he says, “thank you Bettina.” This is an example of Bettina’s kindness to someone else in need:  https://leadershipintheraw.org/2021/12/24/being-bettinas-dad-bettinas-kind-heart/

I am indeed very very proud of my daughter, Bettina, sometimes I think I will burst with pride.

Her parents share their stories, experience, and lessons from being parents and carers for Bettina to help inspire you no matter what your circumstances.

Source:  Steve Raw www.leadershipintheraw.org